He was in with this girl, that was a certain! He was so in with her, he might as well BE in her! Scratch that sentence, it's too filthy, even for YOUR mind! But you understand just how in with her he was. The date had moved from the cinema to the cinema bar to the cinema restaurant part of the bar to the pub next door to the cinema to a stroll along the river where she kept touching his arm to her street to her front door to her KITCHEN! The line that had got him in wasn't “do you.. want a cup of coffee?” it was “Hey! Maybe I could make us banana milkshake!” and then they both laughed loads because it was a reference to a flirty jokey conversation they had had earlier in the evening. He walked through the door into her kitchen still laughing. She touched his chest in a 'oh don't! It hurts because I'm laughing so much' sort of way. Then she told him to take a seat at the kitchen table while she made the milkshake. She put the stereo on and David Bowie's 'Low' came blasting out.
“Don't you worry about the neighbours?” he asked, referring to the late hour and the volume nob.
“Don't you wonder... SOMETI-I-I-I-I-MES!”
and then they both sang along with David Bowie:
“'BOUT SOUND AND VISION! DOO DOO DOOOO DOO DOOO!” and then they fell about laughing while David Bowie had to carry on playing and singing.
He took her hands and put her into mock ballroom dance hold and then waltzed her in great big leaps around the kitchen while they sang along at full volume
“BLUE, BLUE, ELECTRIC BLUE THAT'S THE COLOUR OF MY ROOM!”
“That's the colour of your kitchen, MATE!” he said, pointing at the extreme colour choice of her kitchen blind.
“I know!” she said, “I picked it out on purpose. The landlord's gonna go mental when he finds out I chucked away his perfectly nice cream one!” and then they both laughed again until they stopped laughing and David Bowie was still playing things. There was that sort of moment where they probably could have kissed, but they didn't and as the moment lingered it was getting awkward so she broke away suddenly and said
“FUCK!”
and he, relieved of the moment though disappointed in himself for having not initiated a kiss at that perfect moment, said
“What's the matter?”
and she said
“There's no bananas!!”
and he said
“FUCK!”
and she said
“I know! How can I make banana milkshake if there's no bananas?”
and he said
“Yeah! I only came in because you said there was banana milkshake on the cards! This will not do at all!”
and she pulled a sad face and then looked up at him with a cheeky eye-glint and said
“Well... the 24 hour supermarket will be open!”
and he said
“RIGHT! Then that's what I'll do! I'll be the knight and go get you bananas, my lady!”
and then he bowed very low and took her hand and kissed it very gently and gave a sly little look up in to her eyes for a very brief second.
“WHOOOOOOOOSH!” he said as he swept up his coat from the back of the chair and exited out the door into the night.
He was pretty pleased with his exit. It was cool, it was fun and it was gallant. He would get bananas and she would make milkshake and they would drink it and then they would talk about how good the milkshake was and then he would tell a joke and then she would laugh and then he would kiss her.
Ten minutes later he was standing in the fruit isle of the 24 hour supermarket, looking at the card that said 'BANANAS 36p EACH. TEMPORARILY OUT OF STOCK'.
“There's no bananas AT ALL?” he asked the guy stocking the kiwis up.
“No, sorry. They're all gone, we'll have more in the morning I guess.”
“But the morning's not good enough! I need them now! She needs to make milkshake!”
The guy stocking the kiwis looked away and back at the kiwis. He wasn't interested in his milkshake crisis.
“I mean, it's not about milkshake you understand? It's my ticket to...”
The guy stocking the kiwis interrupted him,
“They just called me on the tannoy. I need to go now.”
And he left him there in the fruit isle, biting his finger, sobering up.
Half an hour later he was at her door.
“Knock knock, my lady” but his language and manner had sort of lost gusto somehow.
She looked tired. What had she been doing for the last forty minutes or so?
“Have you got the bananas?” she said, trying to regain enthusiasm for the whole milkshake thing.
“Errrm, no. Can you believe it, they didn't have any! No bananas!” he said, unable to think of anything funny to say about the situation.
“Oh.” she said. “That's a real shame, I think.”
“Yeah.”
And he was still stood on her doorstep. He looked over her shoulder into her kitchen and saw himself only an hour before hand laughing and flirting with her in there and cursing himself for not having gone in for that kiss earlier.
“Well. There'll be other nights for banana milkshakes! Don't worry.” she said in a tone that was too forced to be as light as she had intended.
“Yes. Of course. Sorry, I feel I let you down.” he said.
“No, don't.” she said and the mood was becoming serious but in a dull sort of way.
“No.” he said. “I guess we can blame the supermarket, eh?”
“Yeah” she said with a small, false laugh.
“Well.” he said, after a pause. He took a low bow again and kissed her hand again though this time she didn't return his eye contact and he quickly let it go.
“I bid you goodnight, my lady. Thank you for a wonderful evening.”
“Yes” she said with a genuine, small smile. “It's been really lovely.” and she sort of curtsied.
He bowed even lower and blew her a kiss. She smiled and nodded her head and gave a wave of her hand, and then she saluted him. He knew it was over. He saluted her back and just before he disappeared behind the wall and into the night he said
“WHOOOOSH”.
